


I'm Never Saying Goodbye

by perry_avenue



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, COVID-19, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, References to Depression, suicidal ideation/suicidal thoughts (non-canon character)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perry_avenue/pseuds/perry_avenue
Summary: It’s Summer 2020 and Covid-19 has changed everything. With Broadway shut down since March, Blaine and Kurt are back in Lima, Ohio, staying with Burt and Carole. On this day, they’re hanging out (and social distancing) with Sam and Tina. This is also the story of Angela and Marie, a couple who are going through a difficult time. Something is left behind that brings them all together. TW for suicidal ideation/suicidal thoughts (non-canon character), discussion of suicide, discussion of depression. It does have a hopeful ending!
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 20
Kudos: 22





	1. Lunch Date

**Author's Note:**

> It seems appropriate to be posting this fic during National Suicide Prevention Week. Glee’s 2015 series finale, “Dreams Come True” (Season 6 Episode 13), fast forwards five years to 2020. In that episode. Kurt and Blaine have received acclaim for their LGBTQ+ version of “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” at New York’s Lincoln Center. Tina and Artie live together in New York where Tina’s been acting in one of his indie films. Sam is the new choir director at McKinley High School. Rachel is the star of “Jane Austen Sings” and is pregnant as the surrogate mom for Kurt and Blaine’s baby. [This video segment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW10wqEVTrQ) from the episode gives a great summary of what happens to them. I’ve taken Kurt, Blaine, Sam, Tina, and Rachel, and their careers, and moved them all to a Covid-19 universe. 
> 
> My endless thanks to my amazing beta [flowerfan ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfan/pseuds/flowerfan) for helping me bring this fic to life. Her guidance and constant encouragement energized me to write my first fic in nearly two years. Please check the notes at the end of the fic for the backstory.

For the past five minutes, Blaine’s been trying to distract Kurt by making small circles with his fingers on Kurt’s thigh, but Kurt’s deliberately ignoring him, preferring instead to go deep with Tina about the latest episode of _The Umbrella Academy_ on Netflix. Blane’s looking forward to some payback later tonight.

Blaine is glad that the weather has been nice enough to allow him and Kurt to get outside more often lately. It’s been hard living in quarantine mode in Lima for months, but at least they’ve been together. Burt and Carole have been great. Burt even helped them convert the guest room into a workspace for their virtual performances and conferences with producers and agents. 

Blaine sees his mom for occasional driveway visits, and he makes a point of going running with Sam, with plenty of space between them. Even Kurt has started to mellow out. In the beginning, he wouldn’t let Burt out of the house, not even to his repair shop. But that has changed. Kurt lets him go in during the hours before the shop opens or after closing, and Burt stays in touch with his employees and customers by phone. 

Now that Kurt’s agreed to eating outdoors at restaurants, it’s been even better. And here they are, at one end of a long picnic table with Sam and Tina at the other.

“This is perfect,” Blaine says with a satisfied sigh. “We’re outside, in the shade, with great company, and rocking the social distancing thing.” 

“And about to quench our thirst,” Kurt adds as he sees their server coming towards them.

“Here are your drinks,” the server says as he sets down a tray with a diet Coke, an iced coffee, and two iced teas. “Have you decided what you’d like to order?”

Kurt gives a quick glance around the table. “Ready?” Everyone nods. “I think we’re all set.”

“Great,” the server replies. He turns to Tina. “I’ll start with you.”

“I’ll have the Avocado toast on grilled ciabatta.” 

The server enters the order on his iPad and looks at Sam. “How about you?”

“I’ll have the Bean Burrito.” Decision made, Sam places his menu on top of Tina’s.

Blaine is next. “And what can I get for you?”

Blaine’s had his heart set on Mac and Cheese for _days_. He saw it posted as a special on the restaurant’s Facebook page. “I’ll have the house baked Macaroni and Cheese.”

“And, you sir?”

Kurt picks up Blaine’s menu and places it with his. “I think I’ll try the turkey pesto panini.”

Their server smiles and collects all the menus. “Excellent! Save room for dessert. Our chef made mini cupcakes this morning. We have chocolate with orange butter cream, apple cinnamon with cinnamon cream, and lemon buttercream. “

As soon as the server is out of earshot, Kurt groans and puts his head in his hands. “Baby cupcakes!” he exclaims.

Blaine grins and puts his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. It never ceases to amuse Blaine how much Kurt loves baby cupcakes. “I know. They’re your Kryptonite. But we can share. The apple cinnamon sounds amazing.”

Tina shakes her head, sending her long brown hair swaying across her back. “Kurt, you are such a drama queen! Just buy one of each and take them home with you.”

Kurt gives her a mock glare. “Says the diva.” Tina sticks her tongue out in response.

Even though Blaine knows they’re teasing, he’s about to step in to mediate. But Sam speaks first. “Hey! I think it’s a great idea! I may do that, too. So, changing the subject, I’ve been wanting to ask you and Blaine about your masks.” Blaine silently thanks Sam.

Kurt fingers the mask he has pulled down around his neck and takes a sip of his diet Coke before settling it back on his face. Sam and Tina admire the man in the suit and bowler hat, with a green apple covering his face, along with the added feature of a white mask. “It’s Magritte’s Son of Man, COVID-edition,” Kurt explains. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Sam nods. “I’ve seen the original so many times but I never knew the artist or the name of it.”

Tina looks at Blaine. “I was looking at yours when we saw you in the parking lot. I’m still trying to figure out why you chose it.”

Blaine pulls his mask back into position. “Kurt got it for me. It’s Roxy Music. You know, Bryan Ferry?” Blaine sends a fond look in Kurt’s direction.

Kurt grins. “It was either the mask or a time machine. The mask was easier.”

Blaine bursts out laughing. “You have a good memory!” 

Tina looks at both of them. “Am I missing something here?”

Blaine shakes his head, still smiling. “No. It’s just a thing from when we were first dating.”

Tina shrugs. “Okay, whatever. Sam, your mask is not a surprise!”

Sam grins, and starts to pull it up to his face. Doing his best James Earl Jones impression, he intones “Luke, I am your father.” They all start laughing. Sam hasn’t changed a bit. It makes Blaine very nostalgic for the days when Sam would regale them with his numerous vocal impressions, and when they cosplayed as the Blonde Chameleon and Nightbird, the Nocturnal Avenger. Even though they meet regularly to run, it’s definitely not like their friendship in high school. He misses BLAM!

“I was admiring your mask in the parking lot,” Blaine says to Tina. “I love Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She’s so badass!”

Tina smiles as she pulls her mask up. “She’s amazing. I keep praying that she can hang in there until Trump is gone.”

Blaine and Sam nod in agreement, but Kurt’s lips stretch into a thin line. “Can we agree not to discuss politics? I want to enjoy the meal and the company.” They all nod.

Blaine’s about to change the subject when Sam does it for him. “Hey Kurt. How’s Rachel doing since Blaine’s last update?”

Blaine grins. Sam’s a superstar. Their soon-to-be-born baby is his favorite topic. Kurt’s too. 

Kurt’s all smiles now. “Thanks for asking, Sam. She’s great, and so’s the baby. Getting bigger every day. We just spoke to her and Jesse last night. Less than three months to go. We can’t wait to meet her!”

Tina claps her hands. “I am so excited for you guys! Oh, but I wanted to ask about the play. Will it return?”

Kurt shakes his head. “We booked ‘Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?’ as a limited run, fourteen weeks. We were six weeks in when Broadway shut down. The producers have told us it’s not coming back. Which is really a shame.”

Blaine touches Kurt’s arm as he turns to the others. “But it kind of worked out, in a way. Kurt was so worried about Burt being in a high-risk category for Covid, due to his heart. Plus Burt was worried about us being in New York City, the epicenter of the virus in the Spring. When Burt and Carole invited us to wait out the virus with them, they really didn’t have to twist our arms. We’ve felt safer here.”

Kurt squeezes Blaine’s hand. “Practically everything theatrical is virtual now, so it doesn’t matter where we are physically. We’re doing some virtual concert performances with other artists to raise money for The Actors Fund. But we’ll be back to New York in time for Rachel’s delivery. We’re so excited!”

“To the daddies!!” Tina and Sam cheer in unison. They all laugh and raise their glasses.

Tina puts her iced tea back on the table. “So, Rachel isn’t worried about being pregnant in New York with all the Covid?”

Kurt winces. Blaine knows this has been a touchy subject. “Well, early on, she and Jesse definitely weren’t thrilled with the idea, but her medical team is there, so she didn’t want to leave. They’ve really hunkered down, getting everything delivered to their apartment. Rachel only goes out for doctor’s appointments and occasional early morning walks. Now that the infection rate in New York is way down, they’re feeling a little more relaxed.”

Tina nods. “I’m sure she’s happier being in New York. It’s become her home, and Jesse’s too. Sam, what’s going on at McKinley?”

Sam’s face lights up. “We have two choirs now, New Directions and The Troubletones. We graduated a lot of kids last year, and Covid pretty much wiped out the spring performance schedule, so no competitions, but we’ll rebuild. It’s going to be a while before I can do anything approaching full rehearsals, though. We’re not sure if we’ll even be allowed to sing together in the Fall. Covid is really kicking our ass.”

Blaine nodded in sympathy. “That’s tough.”

Sam nodded. “It is, but we’ll get there. When it becomes too much, I just walk down to the principal’s office and talk it out with Mr. Schue. I mean Will.”

Blaine smiles. “Old habits die hard, huh?”

Sam shrugs ruefully. “Yeah, they do.”

Blaine still wants an update from Tina. “Hey Ms. T. What are you and Artie doing to stay busy these days?”

Tina sighs. “Well, it was wonderful starring in Artie’s film, and seeing it do so well at the Slamdance Film Festival, but since then, it’s been a little of this and a little of that. I’m teaching movement classes on Zoom, and I just finished some voice-over work for one of Artie’s directing buddies. That’s why I was able to come to Lima for a quick visit. Artie’s turned the extra bedroom into a post-production studio. He’s finishing up some older projects and offering his services to other indie film makers. 

They’re interrupted by the server. “Here’s your lunch,” he says, as he places a large tray with their orders on a stand next to the table. They wait while he sets the dishes down in front of them. “Just let me know if you need anything.”

“Wow. This looks great!” Blaine exclaims, as they focus on the meal.

Later, with the bill paid and mini cupcakes placed in boxes to go, the four put their masks back on and get ready to leave.

“I am so full,” Sam moans. “That bean burrito was wonderful, but it was huge.”

Blaine pats his stomach. “No dinner for me tonight. Well, maybe just a cupcake or two!” He knows Kurt will sneak into the kitchen for cupcakes later, and he’s more than happy to join him. 

“I have an idea,” says Tina. “It’s a gorgeous day, and the park is just a few blocks down the street. Why don’t we put the cupcakes in our cars and take a walk. Get some exercise after this big meal.”

“I’m in,” says Sam.

Blaine and Kurt look at each other, and nod in agreement. “Let’s do it,” says Kurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the mention of Roxy Music and Bryan Ferry in this chapter sound familiar, It’s a Glee reference from Season 2 Episode 5, “The First Time.” Kurt is in Blaine's bedroom, listening to “Love Is The Drug” by Roxy Music. Blaine says “…God, Roxy Music makes me want to build a time machine, just so I can go back to the 70’s and give Bryan Ferry a high-five.” Here’s a video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-7ccgoDxhQ
> 
> The mention of baby cupcakes in this chapter is a Glee reference from Season 4 Episode 14 “I Do.” Kurt and Blaine are at the failed wedding reception for Mr. Schue and Emma Pillsbury. Blaine goes to get them something to drink, and Kurt sees the cupcakes on the dessert table. Here’s a video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_QtXDbUIP0


	2. Say It With Flowers

Angela pushes the front door open with her foot, while one hand grasps a bouquet of flowers and the other holds her purse, mask, keys and the envelopes she has just pulled from the mailbox. 

“Marie, it’s me,” she calls out half-heartedly. There’s no response. 

Angela sighs as she puts everything on the kitchen table. She wishes she didn’t feel so sluggish, like going to the florist has drained all of her energy. She shakes her head, trying to focus while she searches through several cabinets for a vase. She finds one on the fourth try.

When Covid-19 hit, Angela was sharing an apartment with two roommates while her girlfriend Marie was living across town with her mother. With the orders to stay at home unless you were an essential worker, Angela and Marie had worried they wouldn’t be able to see each other. So Marie invited Angela to move in temporarily with her and her mom. They hoped it wouldn’t be for very long. But more than four months have passed. To make things worse, Angela was laid off from her job at the furniture warehouse just a few weeks after moving in, and her supplemental unemployment insurance checks have stopped. 

Angela wishes she could go back to the time when she and Marie were happy just being together. It’s now obvious that the decision to move in has hurt their relationship. She knows that things just aren’t in a very good place right now, and the stress has been building for weeks. 

The tension between them has gotten to the point where they are arguing nearly every day. Angela’s even contacted her former roommates about coming back, but they tell her she first needs to quarantine elsewhere for fourteen days, and by the way, where is the back rent Angela had promised them?

Angela can’t get Marie to talk about their issues, and Marie’s mom seems to barely tolerate her presence, especially now that it is so much harder for Angela to contribute towards food and rent. She shakes her head again. _It’s like I’ve fallen down a hole and can’t get out._

Angela pours water into the vase and arranges the flowers. She’s bought them for Marie’s mom as a kind of peace offering. Angela’s grateful she has been accepting of their sexuality and relationship, but this living under one roof thing is not working out. Whenever she and Marie start arguing, Marie’s mom leaves the room or shuts the door, but Angela can tell from the expression on her face that things are basically two against one, with Angela on the losing end. 

She collapses into one of the kitchen chairs and reaches for her bag, removing a receipt from the florist, a small envelope, several matching blank cards, and a pen. She is about to start writing when Marie comes through the front door.

Marie doesn’t greet her, but she immediately sees the flowers. “Hey! Why are these hydrangeas here?” 

“Gift for your mom,” Angela replies. “She once mentioned that hydrangeas are her favorite.”

Marie’s eyes narrow. “How much did you pay for them?”

Angela shrugs. “$35. It was a little more than I wanted to spend but I put it on my credit card…”

Marie cuts her off. “Are you nuts? You’ve told Mom you don’t have money right now for rent but you’ve got money for this??? What do you think she’s going to say?”

Angela pushes herself out of the chair and starts to tear up, thinking _what’s the point of even trying?_

“You’ve made your point. I’m an idiot. I can’t do a damn thing right. Not for you, not for your mom, not even for me. Sorry I’m so worthless.” She picks up the items on the table, grabs her purse, and heads for the door. 

Marie tries to reach for her as Angela moves past. “Wait a minute. What’s going on with you?” she asks. 

“Nothing. Leave me alone. I need some space.” 

Angela pulls the door shut behind her, walks towards her car, and stops. She’s angry and miserable. It feels like the anger is burning a hole inside of her. Maybe a walk might be better than driving. She turns and heads up the street, towards the park that is only a few blocks away.

**

Nearly a mile down the main walking path, Angela wishes she had worn a hat and taken a bottle of water with her. The humidity is comfortable, but the summer sun is strong at mid-day. She doesn’t feel angry anymore, but she can’t shake an overwhelming feeling of sadness. She wishes she wasn’t such a disappointment to everyone. Life really sucks right now.

There’s a bench ahead that’s partially in shade, and Angela decides it’s time for a break. There’s a bicycle lying on the ground several feet behind the bench with its kickstand up. Angela wonders if the bike fell over. She looks around for the owner but doesn’t see anyone. She sits down, opens her purse, and pulls out the receipt, cards, envelope, and pen. Might as well pick up where I left off, she thinks to herself. She pauses and closes her eyes, leaning back for a minute, composing in her head what she wants to write. Her eyes fly open. _No,_ she thinks. _I’m not writing apologies. It’s better for everyone if I just write goodbyes._

After a few more minutes of reflection, Angela starts with the note to Marie’s mom. 

**_I appreciate you letting me stay in your home these past months. It was very generous of you. I bought the flowers thinking they would make you smile. Mistake, I know, as Marie made very clear to me. I seem to have a knack for screwing things up and disappointing people. I guess I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Thanks for putting up with me as much as you did. At least your house will be a lot quieter now._ **

Angela pauses before starting the card to Marie. She is surprised that the words flow so easily. _I guess once you make up your mind, it’s not so hard anymore._ She leans forward in concentration as she writes the second card.

**_Kind of typical that our last face-to-face had to end in an argument. We seem to have a lot of those lately. You probably don’t know this, but I overheard you and your mom talking last night. I heard you say “I can’t do this anymore.” I don’t mean to hurt you. But maybe I was meant to hear that conversation, because honestly, I can’t do this anymore either. No ill will though. I mean, we did try, right?_ **

Angela lets the cards rest in her lap and takes a few deep breaths. She carefully re-reads what she has written. She puts the cards inside the envelope and puts it and the receipt next to her. She leans forward and rests her head in her hands while she cries. After a minute or two, she lifts her head, reaches into her bag, and takes out a tissue. She wipes the tears from her cheeks and looks around. She notices a few people walking or biking on the path, but no one is paying her any attention. 

Angela glances down at her wrist, and pulls at the clasp of the black leather bracelet Marie bought her when she first moved in. She sets it on the bench next to the envelope and receipt. Still crying, Angela stands up and hugs herself hard. She’s shaking. _I’m out of here,_ she thinks to herself. She grabs her bag and hurries away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are having thoughts of suicide and are in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. I've posted more suicide prevention resources (including international resources) at the end of the fic.
> 
> Your comments are appreciated! I hope you'll share your thoughts.


	3. Discovery

The paved park path isn’t crowded so Kurt, Blaine, Tina and Sam are able to walk four across, stepping to one side when other walkers or bicycle riders come towards them. They keep their masks on to be safe. The park is heavily wooded on either side of the path, and so far, they’ve seen a rabbit and a family of chipmunks. Suddenly, Tina stops, causing the others to stop, too.

“What’s up?” Blaine asks.

Tina stares down at her shoe. “I think I picked up a stone.” She looks around. “Oh, good, there’s an empty bench just ahead. I’ll just be a minute.” 

They all walk towards the bench, where there’s a bike lying on the ground a few feet behind it. Tina sits down and takes off her shoe and a small stone falls to the ground. Sam and Blaine stand off to one side, chatting quietly. Kurt looks around. “I wonder why someone left their bike there?”

Tina looks up. There are people on the path, and a few seated in the pavilion some distance away, but they all seem to be actively engaged in whatever they’re doing. “I don’t see anyone who might belong to it.” Tina turns to look at the bike behind her. “The kickstand is open. Do you think the bike started off upright and then fell over on the ground?”

“Maybe.” Kurt says. Then he looks past Tina to the other end of the bench. ”Hey, what’s that?”

Kurt’s words get Blaine and Sam’s attention. They stop talking to see what Kurt is pointing at. Tina, who has just put her shoe back on, follows Kurt’s gaze. She slides down the length of the bench to get a closer look. There’s a small envelope with several gift cards sticking out, a folded piece of paper, and a black leather bracelet. “Wow. Someone left a lot of stuff!” she exclaims.

Sam and Blaine walk over to where Tina is now seated to get a closer look. “Why would they leave those things lying around?” says Sam.

Tina is focused on the black leather bracelet. “I wonder if it belongs to a man or a woman?” She picks it up and places it around her wrist. It just fits.

“They must have a very small wrist,” Blaine observes.

Kurt picks up the envelope with the two cards sticking out. “Maybe these will give us a clue who the bracelet belongs to.” As he begins to read, his eyebrows rise and he bites his lip. He finishes one and reads the other. Blaine is the first to notice that Kurt has a very strange expression on his face.

“Hey,” Blaine says softly, touching Kurt’s arm. “What do they say?”

Kurt shakes his head. “They’re not signed, and it seems like each card is for a different person. I mean, the language is really ambivalent. But they’re both goodbye messages. It just…”

Blaine steps toward Kurt. He’s concerned about the look on Kurt’s face. “Do they sound like suicide notes?” 

“I don’t know.” Kurt doesn’t seem to want to let go of the cards.

Blaine holds out his hand. “Why don’t you let us take a look at them. See what we think.” Kurt reluctantly hands the envelope and cards to Blaine while Tina and Sam read over his shoulder. 

Blaine knows that Kurt is watching him carefully while he reads each card. Half-way through the first one, he realizes why. They’ve both had their own problems in the past with worrying about "screwing things up" and "disappointing people,” especially Blaine.

Blaine starts to read the second card. The parallels are even worse. "Lots of arguments?" "I can’t do this anymore?" Those were some of the defining moments of their second break-up, after Blaine joined Kurt in New York.

Blaine finishes reading and looks at Kurt. He thinks they both need some reassurance. Before he can say anything, Tina starts talking. “I think it’s a breakup. I’m guessing one note is written to the person’s lover, and the other to someone they live with. Maybe a parent? They _might_ be suicide notes, but…” Her voice trails off.

Blaine goes to Kurt and pulls him close. “We’ll talk later,” he whispers. Kurt nods. Then Blaine turns to Tina. “I agree. There’s so little to go on.”

Sam takes the envelope from Blaine, turns it over and notices the printing in the corner. “Center Street Florist,” he says aloud.

Tina picks up the piece of paper on the bench and unfolds it. “Look! It’s a credit card receipt, from Center Street Florist. It’s got the cardholder’s name!”

Sam leans into Tina as if he’s going to grab the receipt from her. “Who is it?”

“Angela Williams,” Tina replies.

Blaine’s never heard that name before. “Do we know her? Does that name sound familiar to anyone?” he asks. The others shake their heads.

“Okay. Even though we’re not sure about what’s exactly going on, this could be bad. I’m calling 911.” Talking to the police is not on Blaine’s top ten list of things he likes to do. But someone sounds like they’re in trouble, and fate has placed all the clues in their hands. Blaine pulls his cell phone from his pocket, reaches for Kurt with his other hand, and sits them both down on the bench next to Tina. 

“Wait,” says Tina. “Should we try to look for her first?”

Blaine shakes his head. Playing at being detectives doesn’t make sense. “We have no idea who she is, or what she looks like. This might end up being very scary. Tina. I think we should leave it to the pros.”

The call connects after the first ring. “911. What is your emergency?”

Kurt, Tina and Sam stay very still and listen intently to Blaine while he speaks into the phone.

“I’m in North Side Park with my friends. We stopped at a bench and found some items lying there, as if someone left them. There are two cards inside an envelope and they may be suicide notes. There’s also a leather bracelet, a receipt and a bike that’s lying on the ground a few feet behind the bench.”

Blaine pauses while the person on the line says something to him.

“It’s hard to tell. The language is kind of ambiguous, but they are definitely goodbye notes. They’re not signed, but there’s a name on a credit card receipt that was with the cards.”

Blaine pauses again.

“We’re at a bench less than a mile from the Diller Street entrance. We’re across from a pavilion.

”My name is Blaine Anderson.” Blaine confirms his cell phone number to the dispatcher. “Sure, we can wait. Thanks.” Blaine ends the call while the others look at him expectantly.

“They’re sending an officer over, but it may take a little bit. They could ask us for a statement. Anybody have to be somewhere?” They all shake their heads.

Kurt looks at Blaine. “I guess we’re going to be here for a while.”

Sam sits down on the other side of Tina. They take the found items and return them to their original location on the far end of the bench.

Kurt leans back and closes his eyes. “It’s a lesbian couple. I’m sure of it.”

Blaine looks at Kurt. “I was thinking that, too.”

Kurt keeps his eyes closed and continues. “The person named Angela bought the flowers on her credit card. As Tina said, we know from the notes that Angela bought them for someone who’s given her a place to stay. Someone named Marie knows both of them. One card mentions the other person’s mom. I think Angela lives, or was living with Marie and her mom. But things went bad.”

Blaine decides to try to lighten the mood. They’re stuck here until the police show up and he’s worried about Kurt obsessing over the parallels between the notes and their relationship issues from years ago. That discussion can wait until they’re back at Burt’s. “Living long term with your in-laws or your significant other’s family can be tough. Look at Kurt and me. We’ve been at Burt and Carole’s since mid-March. They’ve been great, of course, but there have been some tense moments.”

Just as Blaine hopes, Kurt raises one eyebrow and stares at Blaine. “Name one!”

Blaine smiles. “Remember when I decided to bake cookies when you and Carole needed the kitchen to prepare dinner? I had insisted on using the oven, since the batter was all prepared, and Carole was mad because it caused dinner to be fifteen minutes late.” Kurt nods and visibly relaxes.

“What happened after?” asks Tina.

Kurt sits up and takes Blaine’s hand. “All was forgiven when Blaine served his cookies for dessert. They were delicious!” They all chuckle. But then things turn serious again.

Tina looks at her friends. “Whoever it is, Angela or someone else, I hope they get some help before they do something harmful. Those notes sound like they’re giving up, like they’re all alone.”

Blaine nods. He knows from personal experience how important getting the right help can be. “Suicide rates for queer people our age are so much higher than for straight people. I hope they call a crisis line. Someone trained who can talk them through it.” 

They sit in silence for a minute or two. Sam is trying to puzzle things out. “I don’t understand. Why leave the notes behind? Why not make sure they get to the people who need to read them? And why leave the bicycle here?”

Kurt shakes his head. “I’m not too sure that a person who is distraught is going to behave rationally. Maybe things were left this way so they would be found.”

Sam jumps to his feet. “Or maybe they went for a walk to calm down, had second thoughts, came back here to pick up everything, saw all of us hanging around the bench, freaked out and are watching nearby, waiting for us to leave.”

They look around carefully for anyone who might be lurking, but there isn’t anything to see.

Blaine isn’t buying Sam’s explanation. “But how does the bike fit in?”

“Maybe the bike is a red herring. It could belong to someone else,” Sam offers.

Tina stands up, hands on her hips. “Sam, this isn’t an Agatha Christie novel. We have no idea why the bike is here. Maybe it has nothing to do with the person who wrote the notes. But isn’t that why we’re going to let the police handle it?”

Blaine looks down the path. “Speaking of which…”

They all turn as three Lima Police patrol cars roll slowly down the paved path towards them.

Kurt is incredulous. “Three cars??”

Blaine shrugs. “Who knows.”

The cars stop on the grass alongside the path, and an officer emerges from each. As they approach the group, the officer closest to them asks, “Are you the folks who phoned in about finding some notes?”

Blaine steps forward. “Yes. That was me.”

One of the officers turns to Blaine. “And your name is…?”

“Blaine Anderson.” 

The officer consults his notebook and nods. “Okay. Can you tell me what happened?”

Blaine explains how they came to be at the bench. Kurt tells them about the cards. Tina mentions the name on the credit card receipt and the bracelet. Sam points to the bicycle. The officer takes careful notes, asks for everyone’s name and contact information, thanks them for calling it in, and says they are free to go. 

Kurt, Blaine, Tina and Sam watch as one officer removes a large roll of yellow police tape from inside his car and secures the area around the bench. Another officer drives slowly ahead and crosses over onto a service path that goes into the woods. The third officer puts in a request on his radio for a search dog. 

The group starts to walk back towards the park entrance. 

“A search dog,” Blaine says with a shudder. “That sounds scary.”

Kurt grimaces. “We touched everything on that bench. I hope the dog doesn’t end up searching for us!”

Blaine shakes his head. “I don’t think it quite works that way.”

Sam turns to Blaine. “How will we know what they find?”

“If there’s nothing on the local news sites tonight, that will actually be a good thing. Let’s just hope that Angela, if that’s who it is, changed her mind and got help.” Blaine fervently hopes he’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are having thoughts of suicide and are in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. I've posted more suicide prevention resources (including international resources) at the end of the fic.
> 
> Your comments are appreciated! I hope you’ll share your thoughts.


	4. Talking It Through

When Kurt and Blaine return to Burt’s house, they tell Burt and Carole what happened that afternoon in the park. They all express their concern and hope that the person was able to get help, but agree that the lack of any news may be a good thing. Blaine knows that he and Kurt still need to talk. After Burt and Carole go to bed, they sit next to each other on the living room sofa, their legs tangled together on top of the ottoman. Blaine checks his phone again. There’s nothing on the local news Twitter accounts about a missing person or a body being found. Blaine’s phone starts to vibrate. It’s Tina. Blaine puts the call on speaker.

“Hey Tina. What’s up?”

“Hey. Have you heard anything more about what happened today?”

“Nope. I’ve been checking Twitter. Nothing.”

“Well, that could be good news. Maybe they changed their mind.”

Kurt leans towards the phone to speak to Tina. What he says next shocks him.

“Tina, do you think it could be a hoax?” Blaine sits up straight and stares at Kurt. Where is this coming from?

“Kurt!” Tina yells through the phone. “What devious path does that brain of yours take? Who would do that?”

“I don’t know. I feel dumb for even mentioning it. Maybe it’s because objectively, it all seems a bit too pat. Leaving those clues on the bench like bread crumbs, and then the bike. As if someone has gone to a lot of trouble to elaborately stage this, and then steps back to watch what happens next.”

“No! You’re watching way too many dramas on Netflix and Hulu. It’s corrupted your brain.”

Blaine hasn’t taken his eyes off Kurt. “She’s not wrong, you know,” he says quietly.

Kurt crosses his arms in front of his chest. “Never mind,” he huffs.

Tina hears the exchange. “Hey, Blaine. Kurt’s wrong. I think what we found in the park is genuine.”

Blaine nods his head, then realizes Tina can’t see him. “I agree. I just hope things work out.”

“Me, too.”

Blaine says good night to Tina and ends the call. He’s been wondering when it might be a good time tonight for them to talk. Looks like it’s going to be now. He turns to Kurt. “Do you seriously think it’s a hoax? Because I need to tell you, those notes sounded real to me, and I think they sounded real to you, too.”

Kurt bites his lip and his eyes fill with tears. His shoulders start to shake and Blaine reaches for him. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, his voice rough. “That second note, the one we think Angela wrote to her lover, that could have been us. Angela could have been you.”

Blaine’s confused. If the notes remind Kurt of them, then why call it a hoax? Blaine hugs Kurt tighter. Before he can say anything, Kurt starts talking again.

“Maybe I’d rather think it’s all made up than be reminded of the pain you suffered when I broke up with you. It hurts to think that person may try to harm herself over a broken relationship. She must feel so lost. I made you feel so lost, too. I’m a horrible person.” Kurt sobs uncontrollably.

 _Oh, God,_ Blaine thinks to himself. _This is really stirring up our past._ Tears begin to roll down Blaine’s cheeks. He doesn’t let go of Kurt. 

Kurt continues to cry. “It was so bad you dropped out of NYADA. You left New York. You had to get treated for depression. And I wasn’t there for you.”

It’s hard for Blaine to focus on what Kurt’s saying because this just _hurts,_ but he needs to be there for his husband. “Kurt, you are not a horrible person. You are a wonderful husband and my best friend." 

Kurt’s sobs are slowing down, but the tears are still flowing. 

Blaine takes a deep breath. What he wants to say next is hard for him, but it’s not news to Kurt. 

“When you broke our engagement, that was the worst time for both of us. But going back to Ohio forced me to honestly look at my issues and start working on them. For me. Not for anyone else. I started with a crisis line, then therapy and meds. You know how much that’s helped me. Do you remember what I learned about depression?”

Kurt sniffles and nods. “That it didn’t start when I broke up with you in New York. That it likely started long before then. You had it in high school. It just wasn’t diagnosed.”

“Right. I sometimes wonder if it goes back to getting beat up after that Sadie Hawkins dance. But that’s not important. What is important is what happened today. It shook me up, too. There _are_ some parallels between what we read in those notes and us, but that’s an us from long ago. It’s not us anymore. We’ve both made mistakes. But we’ve learned from them.”

Blaine looks at Kurt, but he won’t make eye contact. Blaine takes a guess at what’s really on Kurt’s mind, and decides to go for it. He cups Kurt’s face in his hands and gently lifts it so Kurt is facing him. 

“Baby, please look at me.” Kurt slowly focuses on Blaine’s face.

“No matter how bad things were during those first months back in Ohio, even when I couldn’t get out of bed most days, and barely kept it together between therapy appointments, I never thought about hurting myself. I’m a lot healthier now. You are, too. You know I would never…”

Kurt nods and sighs. “I know.” 

Blaine sighs too. “Okay then.”

Kurt is still sniffling but the sobs have stopped. 

Blaine decides some humor might help them both. He kisses Kurt’s forehead, his cheeks and then his lips. “Just think of how much we’ve spent on couple’s counseling to get us to where we are now!”

Kurt snorts through his tears. Blaine counts it as a win. He reaches for a tissue from the box on the side table and places one in Kurt’s hand. Kurt sits up to blow his nose a few times. He accepts a second tissue from Blaine to wipe his face. Blaine takes one, too.

Blaine gives Kurt an affectionate smile. “Okay, husband. I’m pouring both of us a nice glass of wine.” A couple of minutes later, Blaine returns, glasses in hand. Kurt still looks vulnerable. Blaine hands him a glass. “You’re thinking really loudly.”

Kurt waits for Blaine to sit down and take a sip of wine. Then he snuggles close, with his head on Blaine’s chest. Blaine wraps his arm around Kurt’s back and kisses his hair.

“Maybe we should get In touch with Cindy again. It’s been months.”

Blaine’s not as surprised as he might have been a day ago. “Our therapist?”

Kurt nods. “Yeah. She’s doing telemedicine now, so she’s available for virtual appointments.”

“Sure. Let’s set something up. Today brought up a lot of stuff. Probably a good idea to sort through it all.”

Kurt lifts his head to kiss Blaine. “Still a work in progress, aren’t we?”

Blaine chuckles. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are having thoughts of suicide and are in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. I've posted more suicide prevention resources (including international resources) at the end of the fic.
> 
> Your comments are appreciated! I hope you’ll share your thoughts.


	5. The Next Morning

The bedside alarm goes off and Marie opens her eyes. She’s exhausted. She’s been awake for most of the night. She thinks she maybe got three hours sleep, if that. She stares up at the ceiling, feeling drained and very sad. Without thinking, she extends her arm across the bed and freezes. The space next to her is empty.

Marie can hear sounds coming from the bathroom down the hall. Moments later, the bedroom door opens. Angela walks in, wrapped in a bath robe, towel drying her hair. Marie rolls over on her side to look at her. “Hi.”

Angela turns to look at Marie with an expression that matches how Marie feels. “Hi,” she says quietly.

“I’m glad you made that call yesterday,” Marie says softly.

Angela sits down on the edge of the bed, not making eye contact. “Me, too.” 

“What time is your appointment at the clinic?”

“9:30 am. I’ll leave here at 9. It’s across town.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Angela turns to Marie, surprised. “You would do that?”

Marie sighs. “Do you know me at all?”

Angela looks away, biting her lip. “Clearly not.” She puts the towel over a chair and starts brushing her hair. She hangs up her robe and puts on clean clothes.

They’re both quiet for a few minutes. 

Angela breaks the silence. “You know, once I wrote those cards, I just wanted to go away. I’m glad I’m seeing someone today. I know I need help.” 

Marie nods. “You might not believe it right now, but I do care about you. I know this wasn’t what you wanted.”

Angela sighs. “I’m a mess. That’s what this appointment is all about. Thanks for offering to come with me. But I want to go by myself. I’ll tell you how things went when I get back.”

Marie lays back on the pillow and closes her eyes. “Just please take good care of you.”

“I’ll try.”

Angela picks up the wet towel to return it to the bathroom and closes the door gently behind her. Marie must have fallen asleep again, because when she wakes up, another thirty minutes have gone by and Angela has left the house for her appointment.

Marie reaches for her phone, sits up against the pillows, and checks for texts and emails. She then scrolls through Twitter. She stops, tapping her finger against the phone as she contemplates composing a tweet. She stops to look something up, copies it, and then starts typing. She reads what she’s prepared and posts it. Then she gets out of bed and heads for the shower, hoping that today will be better than yesterday, and sending a mental prayer of support to Angela.

**

Blaine and Kurt are in the kitchen, having a late breakfast. Kurt is cutting up some fresh peaches to serve while Blaine is scrolling through his phone. One of the accounts he follows is for McKinley Alumni, @TitansMKHS. A new post catches his eye, and he stops.

“Oh my god! Kurt, look at this!”

Kurt puts the knife down immediately and hurries to the table. “What’s wrong?” He asks worriedly.

Blane hands his phone to Kurt, tapping on a tweet. He bites his lip to stay quiet as Kurt reads it out loud.

 ** _So glad for places like the Mercy Mental Health Clinic in Lima. They saved a life yesterday. Remember you can always call 833-347-5544 24/7 if you need to talk to someone._**

Kurt turns to look at Blaine. He’s about to say something but Blaine beats him to it.

“Look who it’s from.”

Kurt looks back at the phone. “MarieD16. Do you think she’s the Marie from the note cards?”

Blaine was sure of it. “It’s got to be. It’s too much of a coincidence otherwise.”

Kurt pulls Blaine out of his chair and into a hug. “This is great! It looks like Angela got some help.” 

Blaine is perfectly happy to be in Kurt’s arms. “I think she did.”

Kurt pulls back just enough so he can see Blaine’s face. “We should let Tina and Sam know.”

Blaine smiles and nods. “Yes, we should. Why don’t I call Sam and you call Tina.”

Kurt groans. “Oh, great. Now I’ll have to listen to her mock me for saying it might be a hoax.”

After yesterday, Blaine doesn’t want Kurt feeling vulnerable again. Maybe they should just switch who they’ll call. “Why don’t I call Tina?”

Kurt smiles but shakes his head. “No, that’s okay. I can always tell her that I was deflecting because the writing on the cards really pained me. Which is true! Then she’ll feel guilty and apologize to _me_.”

Blaine shakes his head. Kurt always likes to complicate things. “Whatever you say, husband. Just give me back my phone.”

Kurt does so, then stops. “Wait. Do you think we should reach out to Marie? Maybe DM her? Let her know what we found yesterday?”

Blaine shakes his head. He has very strong feelings not to tell Marie _anything_ about what they found. “Nope. That’s Angela’s story to tell. Let her have some agency over it. Plus, you don’t know whether Marie already has the details. How well do you know her?”

“Not at all.”

“I think we should let it go, then. But let’s call Sam and Tina.”

“Do you think Sam might know her?”

Blaine looks at Marie’s ID again. If 16 is her graduation year, she’s around four years younger than Kurt. “He might. He was working at McKinley then, but I think he was mainly helping out the football team. I could ask him when I call, but even if he does, I think we should just let them heal.”

Kurt smiles and kisses Blaine just a moment too long for it to be casual. “I love you.”

Blaine puts his arms around Kurt, letting his hands rest on Kurt’s lower back. “But do you love me more than baby cupcakes? There’s one left.”

“Mmm. Don’t make me answer that.”

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally like to provide live links to the resources I include in my notes, but there seems to be a problem with the HTML codes today. While I work it out with the nice people at AO3, I've made sure the url link for each resource is there. Just copy/paste to see it in your web browser. 
> 
> If you are having thoughts of suicide and are in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. I've posted more suicide prevention resources (including international resources) below. 
> 
> There’s an interesting backstory to this fic. Part of my weekly exercise routine is a long socially distant walk with my friend. On one particular day this summer, we were on a trail in a local park, and my friend needed to rest for a few minutes, so she suggested a bench just ahead of us. As we approached it, we saw a bicycle lying on the ground a few feet away, and a black leather bracelet, two gift cards sticking out of a small envelope and a folded piece of paper on the far end of the bench. The writing on each gift card was ambiguous and the cards were not signed, but they were definitely telling someone (or someones) goodbye. We were so concerned that my friend called the police. They came (in three cars!) and took our information. We never heard anything after that, which we hope was good news, and that the real person is safe now, wherever they may be. It was all so strange and unsettling that I couldn’t get it out of my mind. This fic is the result. The two notes written by Angela in the second chapter have zero similarities to the notes we found, and her backstory is entirely from my imagination. 
> 
> **Other Suicide Prevention Resources:**
> 
> The Trevor Project hotline: 1-866-488-7386 or https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/ if you need LGBTQ+ support or suicide prevention assistance related to gender identity, transgender issues or sexuality.
> 
> PFLAG Crisis Hotline for LGBTQ+ Support https://pflag.org/hotlines 
> 
> Do you live outside the United States?  
> International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)  
> https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
> 
> Suicide hotlines in US states and in other countries  
> http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
> 
> I’m Alive Text-based Suicide Help Line https://www.imalive.org/
> 
> The Safe Place hotline: 1-888-290-7233 or visit the website, https://www.nationalsafeplace.org if you need help with bullying, suicidal thoughts, homelessness, abuse or neglect.

**Author's Note:**

> Your comments are appreciated! I hope you’ll share your thoughts.


End file.
